I need a better budget for this...

On the next exciting episode of "Etna's Mysterious Garden!"

Our heroes have survived a sudden, nightmarish onset of winter, whose details shall no longer be spoken of!

*A giant photo of a censor block*

However, just as they begin to progress into the mysterious Wilds, something goes horribly, terribly wrong!

*A photo of several random Gardens attendees, dressed like men to the point of being reverse traps. Feel free to assume your character's one of them, or not. How'd she get this photo?!*

A strange spell drains feminity from the heroes, sapping ratings and ruining our mainstream appeal!

How will we regain our fanservice?! And what has caused this terrible fluctuation that could kick us out of our prime time slot?!

Find out, on the next exciting episode of "Etna's Mysterious Garden!"

(OOC: For those of you not in the know, Etna's very short on fourth wall. And does this all the time in her canon, and every crossover she's been in so far.)

[This queen, clad in black and gold, stares at the mirror and gives it her most judgmental look possible. The sheer amount of disdain here could probably melt steel if applied appropriately. Like, in a laser maybe. Still, she's not pleased.]

You piece of trash who calls herself queen. What right do you have bringing myself here? I have no wish for your disgusting invites or anything to do with you. Show yourself so this queen can properly sentence and execute you like the dog you are.

Tch. And the rest of you? I have no wish for your thanks when this fool is destroyed. Consider yourself lucky that this queen has even decided to grace you with your life.

[ a young woman's voice comes on the Vine. she does not sound pleased. in fact, 'furious' might be a more appropriate way to describe it. ]

What is the meaning of this?! I demand an explanation! Right now! [ there is a loud, sharp CRACK!, the sound of leather hitting hard against the ground. ]

Any foolish answers will be met with a whipping! I don't want to waste my time hearing nonsense explanations!

[ she ends this with another CRACK!, to emphasize her point. ]

It's not everyday that I find myself in a fancy garden like this after wandering around the desert.

[An amused but somewhat hollow laugh]

So, where's this mysterious Queen? Anyone ever tell her it's not polite to kidnap people?

I've got some business to take care of back home. So let her royal Highness know I'll be leaving, now. But, hey, she's got good taste in decorating.

[Saber had been missing for a week after wandering into the jungle and through a stitch in time, but to her the only change was the sudden assortment of decorations that had gone up over night.]

[All the snow, bright colors, stars, and the festive greenery (especially the mistletoe, not that she recognized it) came as a pleasent surprise to her, really~ She hadn't an idea what the occassion was, but it certainly did make her cheery.]

[Ever since the wishing stars happened, she'd kept a red bag slung over her back, full of tools and art supplies. Right now Saber was sitting on a blanket laid over snow, leaning back against a tree. She hummed to herself as she, with a knife in her hand, worked on wood carvings. She had a few already: a bear, a decorated tree, and a ... wooden snowman. Whatever she was working on now wasn't far enough along to clearly recognize yet.]

((Mistletoe event stuff optional; if you want to just say so OoCly, Nero will be rather easy going about the whole mistletoe thing.))

[At first, there's nothing but static, a low-pitched hum and sharp breathing as Larxene tries to gather herself.]

I don't know where this is or what you've done with me, but this pathetic, girly little set up is just disgusting. All these flowers smell, and just the sight of them is already getting on my nerves. I'm disappointed.

[Her voice is just as girly as she's describing the setting to be, high and almost playfully overdramatic in tones. There's an underlying hint of malice, and she pauses to study her surroundings, the static flaring again as she breathes.]

Marluxia, if this is your work, then I expect you to show yourself. Anyone else? You might as well do the same, or else I'll do it for you.

[ video ]

[A young woman appears in the mirror, as per the usual. She's new, but doesn't look particularly bewildered or frightened. Instead, she looks determined, if a little nervous.]

This is a message...from Princess Estellise Sidos Heurassein to the Queen of Hearts. I would like to o-open diplomatic talks between the Empire and the Gardens! I--

[Her shoulders droop.]

I'm sorry. That isn't right. Please...call me Estelle.

[She perks up a bit and offers a shaky smile.]

I'm a client of the guild Brave Vesperia, and I need to find a way back to them. I know it's not the same as a formal invitation to peace talks from a princess, but please, if you could, this is very important to me. I can't promise anything from the empire, because this is my quest, not theirs. But I'll do whatever I can to repay you, when the time comes. So...return me to Brave Vesperia!

[She turns away, not realizing the mirror is still recording her, lets out a breath, and crouches to pet a cat.]

Yuri, Karol, Judith...I'm trying my best, I promise! Even without you. I won't be away for long.

[The image on the mirror this early evening is that of a young woman with black bangs with vivid bright red streaks through them falling gently over her eyes. She stares curiously out towards the viewers, stepping back a few moments after. With the ivory vestments hanging gently from her body, it was evident she was novice to the Gardens. Her own belongings are seen on the side nearby and a bit scattered, as if they had recently been rummaged through. The most prominent of her gear would be the giant sword that was nearly the same height as herself.]

Hello everyone♪ The friendly were-cats here gave me a collection of scrolls, but they wouldn't speak to me. Which was pretty rude of them! I've never met a were-person who didn't chat my head off. Also, this gown covers too much of my body up. How am I suppose to fight wearing it? If I were attacked, I would surely be overwhelmed by my opponent.

[With a tiny laugh, she holds up the introductory scroll in her hand.]

At first I thought I was being kidnapped, but this letter is from the Queen of Hearts herself. It'll be interesting to meet another member of royalty. Oh! I'm being rude with my rambling! I'm Kaguya Nanbu from the nation Kagura Amahara. It's in the Endless Frontier. This place doesn't seem to be anywhere near that world though.. I wonder if this is the home world of one of my comrades. Hey KOS-MOS, Xiaomu, Reiji... are any of you here? No?

[The young woman frowns at her words, as if remembering someone who couldn't possibly be there.]

Maybe Haken is here.. it's possible, right? I made him promise he would kidnap me for another adventure. Maybe this our newest adventure together! Hey Haken, can you hear me?!

[She's much more perkier now with this revelation, the feelings of loneliness and despair fading now by the surge of hope of her favorite comrade's possible presence.]

[Private thoughts, hackable if you can read her mood]

For all the holes I could point out in the Warrior Princess's reasoning...why didn't I keep investigating on my own? At the first remotely plausible suggestion from one of the kidnappers, I just sat back and followed orders. Used the meager tools I was given for tiny, insignificant comforts instead of continuing to look at the big picture.

That's not happening again.

[/Private]

[Public, Audio, intended to be filtered from NPCs]

I understand a few people have traveled to the boundaries of the Garden and returned. I'd appreciate any information you have to give, as well as volunteers for some reconnaissance-in-force. I'll be leading an expedition to determine details of the border areas and try to find any unguarded and traversible paths that may exist, as well as bringing back more samples of the strange matter there should we fail to find an exit.



Even if I have to go alone, it's time we forced some detailed answers out of this place.

[ America appears holding her baseball bat. She wished to go home, but got this instead. ]

Hey! Who wants to play baseball with me? I can, like, teach the aliens how to play too! [ If you don't know what America is, she considers you an alien. ]

Baseball is one of the best American pastimes, so it's up to me to teach you. Don't be too disappointed when I beat you, hahaha!

Hmph.

[Carly's sitting under a tree and holding an apple while eating it.] Wishing, hm? Sounds pointless. [Like wishing is going to bring Jack here...

Well... maybe. She closes her eyes and sighs] I wish to see Jack Atlas.

[and a star falls out of the sky near her. Carly picks up the capsule and opens it. She gasps]

Red Daemon... [A card (a replica that can't be played) is sitting in her hand. She looks at it and holds it close to her chest. She puts her hood over her head and just cradles the card in her hands. Tears may or may not be falling on the card if you look close enough.

Someone misses home.]

[ Voice ]

This...This can't be...

I thought of it as a joke, but at this point I'm starting to think I got it right. Can that really be the reason we're here? Nah, I'm sure the excess energy from our Linker Cores are being...harvested...or...somethin'. I'd take any other horror or anime cliché over that.

[ Voice/Action for Nanohamates ]

If we're stuck here, we gotta find a place to use as a temp base of operations. At the very least, we gotta have a roof over our heads. While we're at it: has anyone's reconnoitering turned up anything? We've really gotta figure out what planet we're on...

[Hayate's lugging those new outfits around; she doesn't like the flowery ones much, but they can't be picky with clothes now. Plus, not ALL of the new outfits were bad, according to her tastes.

Three guesses as to which ones her attention have become focused on, Mid-Childians.]

[Private]

Note to self, next time this place offers wishes, presume a catch.

Further note to self: Catches are very easy to abuse.

[Public, Vine]

Attention, women of the Gardens!

I, Beauty Queen Etna, have prepared a Base Panel for future wilds expeditions and exploration of abnormal environments! This useful mechanic lets us set up portals between an arbitrarily-located base, outside the Arcade, and points in space where I place them.

I have also prepared an arbitrarily-located base, outside the Arcade, for all prospective Vassals and/or Minions. Applications are being accepted now, all sorts of talents are necessary.

While I do not believe this will result in a way to return to our respective homes, I'm betting we can start getting useful things with the help of the organisation that I, Beauty Queen Etna, can provide!

Recommendations for facilities to add to the Base are being accepted at your convenience!

[Action, not too far from the Arcade]

*When Etna mentioned setting up a small base... Well, it's not THAT small. About the size of a couple of 18-wheeler trailers placed next to each other, and constructed from - based on the ridiculous number of capsules around it - a small ton of wishes, the base's outer facade is a deep wooden pattern, with a garish neon sign reading "Beauty House" across the front - carefully matched to the Arcade's Facade.*

*Inside, however, is another matter. A circular main "hall" has eight exits - a spiral staircase opposite the door, and six side rooms. Of these, one is equipped with a basic hospital - though one can't help but notice the neatly-sharpened AXES among the supplies, and the lack of anaesthetic - the other rooms are bare, for now at least. In the dead center of the hall is a square, glowing, blue panel.*

*The stairs are blocked by a few handy objects - such as a certain demon, sitting in a tall throne with distinct heart motifs, facing the room's center - and thus, you as you enter. It's probably a small apartment for her or some storage or something. She herself looks quite different than you've seen her, too - for one, her clothes are black and extremely skimpy.*

Welcome to the Beauty House.

[ action ]

[As the sun sets, the usual darkness overcomes the sky. There is no moon in the Gardens, and there are no stars. The only lights are fireflies, whatever marks the necessities, and the distant glow of actual fires.

Tonight, that changes.

It starts with a tiny *pop!* noise, and a single bright star appears in the sky. Tentatively, a *ding!* rings out, and another star appears. *Bip!* and there's another one.

Then, in a symphony of small, obnoxiously cute noises, stars cascade into being in the sky. For the first minute or so it's a nice picture. But it doesn't stop. Not until the entire sky is filled with stars, and light shines as bright as day.

Then silence falls.]

[ voice ]

Oh, no, I think I did that one wrong...

[OOC: Players are welcome to use this post for reaction threads or make their own. The Queen will be responding only sporadically.]

( Private )

[ PUBLIC - VIDEO ]

Because everyone else seems to be giving introductions, I suppose I should do the same. My name is Medusa and, unlike many here, I'm a simple ordinary woman; I do happen to be a health professional, so if anyone is in need of treatment, I'll be more than glad to offer my services.

...That is, of course, if the local services don't beat me to it. This is quite the interesting place, isn't it? I do have to wonder why we were all brought here. Not only that, but only women. How odd.

Anyway, as I said, my name is Medusa. I do hope we can get along and figure out what is happening together.

[When she sees the mirror appear, she smiles warmly at it.]... Nice to see that this Vine appreciates my charms, too...

[Lou has altered her plain white dress to be much more revealing than it used to be. She's also been experimenting with some of the berries she's found in the orchard since she's gotten here, and painted with them across her chest in big, block letters: 'For Rent.']

Hope no one minds that in light of some of the Queen's having some younger guests, I'll have to use a few euphemisms for this.

It occurs to me that some of you ladies here might be ...in need of some special attention while we're here. I have to imagine that at least some of you enjoy the more ...risque activities. If you're hormones levels are climbing anyplace near mine, well, I'm happy to offer my services.

I am Louisa Dem Five of New Hong Kong, owner and proprietor of both franchises of the Velvet Fist, and a fully licensed sex professional.

And I'm here for you for as long as you need me, ladies. Or even if you just want me. [Wink.]

[OOC: Specify which post you're responding to in the subject line.]

[text]

[Ramona is testing out the magic scrolls to see if replies really do magically appear when she writes on them.]

Testing, testing. If anyone's there, answer with the first word that comes to mind.

----------

[video]

[Posted a short while after the text post. Ramona has since looked back through some previous Vine posts for more info. She now appears in the mirror sorting and scanning through the pile of scrolls she received earlier.]

Never been to an alternate dimension with its own instruction manual before. This is so weird. [Mutters] Still can't believe this isn't someone's Subspace...

[Shakes head. Puts the papers down and looks in the mirror.]

So the Queen of Hearts is kind of a bitch, huh?

I, uh... I don't mean to alarm anybody, but...

...

We're not dead, right?

Since... I don't feel any different...?