I need a better budget for this...

On the next exciting episode of "Etna's Mysterious Garden!"

Our heroes have survived a sudden, nightmarish onset of winter, whose details shall no longer be spoken of!

*A giant photo of a censor block*

However, just as they begin to progress into the mysterious Wilds, something goes horribly, terribly wrong!

*A photo of several random Gardens attendees, dressed like men to the point of being reverse traps. Feel free to assume your character's one of them, or not. How'd she get this photo?!*

A strange spell drains feminity from the heroes, sapping ratings and ruining our mainstream appeal!

How will we regain our fanservice?! And what has caused this terrible fluctuation that could kick us out of our prime time slot?!

Find out, on the next exciting episode of "Etna's Mysterious Garden!"

(OOC: For those of you not in the know, Etna's very short on fourth wall. And does this all the time in her canon, and every crossover she's been in so far.)

[A cheerful woman, dressed in lavish royal blue robes, is grinning on camera]

Why, hello everyone. Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Iono Mito Archeline. My interests include various maidenly amusments, tea time, flirtatious chit chat, and you. <3 Yes. you, whoever you may be. You see, I know without a doubt each and every one of you is special and beautiful, and I want to know you better.

So, please, won't you be my sobame?

[Yet another newbie has appeared in the Gardens! This woman appears to be quite tall (six feet to be exact), and she does not look amused.]

Where's the shithead that kidnapped me and took my weapons?

[Xanxa likes her guns. And her liger. She wants them back.]

I may go easy on you if you confess.

[She really won't.

That is, if she actually was kidnapped...]