queenofheartsrp | 001 | Yes, It's the End of the World As We Know It

Entry tags:

001 | Yes, It's the End of the World As We Know It | Audio/Visual

[A young woman's voice echoes over the Vine first. IN fact, it sounds almost exactly like that of someone else the residents have heard from recently. A shrill note of panic has managed to worm its way into her voice, though.]

What is this place? Where-? How-?

[After a moment the mirror comes on. It's Asuka! Or her doppelganger. The only real difference is that she has a swathe of bandages covering her right arm and another tied tightly around her head, covering her left eye. The one that is visible is bright, blue, alert and almost panicked. Her uncovered hand reaches out toward the mirror.]

This isn't right! I was just-

I was-

[Her eye widens slightly.]

Oh my God. I-

[She chokes, retches and she sinks out of sight for a moment, hand covering her mouth. The rather unpleasant sound of someone losing their lunch is all that can be heard for a few moments, gasps for air and then more retching.]

I feel sick.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[her eyes flicker upward for a second, as she thinks. finally, she decides on something, and she looks at Asuka.]

Here, we can go to the orchards. It's where people get most of their food, and I should get some for us to eat... If you're okay with eating right now. [remembers those vomiting sounds.]

I... don't think I want to eat right now.

_{[She slips her hands into the pockets of the jacket and smiles at Hikari.]}

I'll... I just want to walk for a while.

_{[And try to forget.]}

[smiles back at her. forgetting is always a good plan. she takes a few steps forward, and then turns back to her.]

Okay. Let's walk for a while, then, Asuka.

[waits for Asuka to follow.]

_{[And follow she does! It's chilly, but she endures. It helps take her mind off of things.]}

How've you been? I haven't seen you since you left Tokyo-3!

[after Hikari's introduction to freezing with blizzard time, this is actually manageable somewhat.]

I've been doing alright... it was weird, having to move somewhere else. But I took care of PenPen for Misato-san, and my sisters and dad were with me.

[her voice takes on an amused edge she can only get when she's around her family or friends.]

It was even weirder trying to get used to this place.

Seems like it. Talking through mirrors...?

_{[They're both glossing over the in-between part.]}

...I did OK back in Tokyo-3. I had to keep Shinji and Ayanami in line, of course!

_{[So not going into her breakdown.]}

Yeah, that was so weird. Especially since it was a mirror that came out of a vine, which was something I learned from a scroll I got from a cat.

[skipping over the parts that neither of them want to retread.]

... Mm, that's what I thought you'd be up to. Someone needs to keep after one of the Three Stooges. It was difficult enough with just Suzuharu and Aida-kun.

Yeah! Especially Toji-

_{[Ulp. Well, there's that unpleasant memory. As much as she'd been annoyed by the other kid, she'd never really wanted him to lose a leg.]}

Yeah. I did fine.

_{[She perhaps emphasizes the word "fine" a bit too much.]}

[her eyes flicker with a deep sorrow when Asuka stops on Suzuharu's name. not just what happened to him because of the Angel. but also because he's- the sorrow lifts from her eyes after a moment. forces a small, sad smile while looking forward, only concentrating on the sound of their footsteps.]

Yeah, especially Suzuharu.

[tilts her gaze towards Asuka, the smile a tiny bit more genuine, though it's still sad and doesn't make it to her eyes.]

I know you did.

[ooc: ashbsk sorry this took longer than it should have. I rewatched ep. 23 for that scene with them while writing this comment.]

Edited 2010-12-28 19:56 (UTC)

_{[She drags to a halt, staring at her feet. She can't shake the feelings of inadequacy, of failure. And she can blame Shinji all she likes for not being there, for not helping her, but that doesn't change the fact that she lost. That she and her Eva, her mother, were-

She dry heaves and turns away, covering her mouth as she remembers the feeling of being torn apart. The fear, the anger, the pain. She shouldn't be alive. And Asuka feels ashamed for acting like this in front of Hikari. She should be strong (and she remembers the night in Hikari's bed, the tears and the reassurances which she didn't really believe).]}

I'm so...

_{[She hates herself and she hates everyone else for not supporting her, for not loving her.]}

God, I'm worthless.

_{[[OOC: No problem. :>]]}

Edited 2010-12-28 20:24 (UTC)

[sees Asuka stop, and halts her steps too. she sees a glimpse of her friend's face as she gags and turns to the side. half a step towards her - worried she'll throw up again.]

Asu-?

[she hears those words, and feels the distance between them. the same distance that night when Asuka spoke from some deep, unknown place inside her, and all Hikari could do was say what she thought was comforting, what she thought was true. but that thread of sorrow they shared now - death - made her unable to just say words this time. hesitantly, she lifts her hand up and rests it on Asuka's shoulder.]

... You're not.

[[ooc: Alright! :)]]

Edited 2010-12-28 21:14 (UTC)

_{[Asuka huddles in on herself for a moment. It's only Hikari. She's said things like this to Hikari before - it doesn't make it hurt any less or stop her from hating herself for being weak, but it makes it manageable. ]}

I couldn't even do my stupid job. What I was raised to do!

_{[She squeezes her eye shut and tries to choke back on the familiar tightness. She told herself she'd never cry again.]}

[her hand tightens comfortingly on Asuka's shoulder as she listens, hoping that somehow she can help. help Asuka. help herself. help them both. there were many people here, but only the two of them right now - three of them if Ayanami-san could ever show something she could connect to - could honestly get the impact of it this deep, she believed. she didn't know for certain that was the reality.]

You took out so many Angels, Asuka. You protected everyone from so much.. It isn't your fault!... And... it scares me, honestly; that you're blaming yourself for any of it.

[it comes out more and shakily towards the end, her hand on Asuka's shoulder trembling, and she feels like she's going to going to cry, but she said it. even if Asuka doesn't believe her, it feels honest to Hikari right now.]

_{[A tear trickles down her cheek and she has to fight to stop herself from sobbing. Everything that's happened to over the last few hours; over the last few months, is coming to a head. She runs her hand through her hair. Hikari doesn't blame her. But why would she? She didn't see Asuka's failure herself. She doesn't realize how hard Asuka has to work just to make sure she isn't left alone again.]}

I hate this place.

_{[It's a petulant, child-like declaration, but she indulges it. It makes her feel better, if only a little.]}

And I should blame myself. I'm the one who messed up. I let myself rely on Shinji and on everyone else when I should've been relying on myself.

[she feels herself crying silently, tears making wet tracks while she keeps a numb hold on her composure, feeling the shaking of a shoulder under her hand from Asuka trying to do the same.]

This place isn't safe, and it isn't home... We're alive though, in some way.

[that last part makes her lose hold for a moment. everyone's gone. Asuka's her friend. she can't lose her again. no. she can't.]

What's wrong with relying on people you care about, Asuka?

Edited 2010-12-28 23:23 (UTC)

_{[She tries to laugh, mostly so she doesn't cry anymore. Hikari is here and that has to count for something, right? Hikari won't forget about her.]}

Yeah. Alive. Somehow.

_{[She remembers a beach and fingers on her throat, but she's not going to mention that. It was probably just a part of her hallucination during Third Impact.]}

I should be strong enough on my own. So people... so people...

_{[Will look at her. Will notice her. Will love her for being her.]}

[Asuka responded to her. It's a relief, even if it's small, and she gets back her composure for the moment. Her eyes are stinging and she's got a dull ache in her head from crying.]

... You are strong, Asuka. But... having someone to help you out sometimes, when you do need it, that's important.

[These words would be less desperate, less likely to be said out loud if she didn't know that back home there was nothing more to do.]

_{[Asuka sniffles and (somehow) hopes that Hikari won't notice; won't judge her as Asuka judges herself. The arm on her shoulder - as much as part of her hates herself for the realization - is helpful; a show of support.]}

But... then I'll still be alone. Because no one will look at me and see me without them.

_{[It's a raw, deep admission of insecurity. Probably one she'll regret.]}

[Hikari's quiet as she thinks.]

That's what happens sometimes, when you have people who see you as something that's only a little part of who you actually are.

There are people who can see all of you, though. I know there are.

_{[It's not much of a reassurance to Asuka. She has a lot of self-hate and self-image issues to work through. But it's Hikari and she's trying. Hell, just having Hikari around does make her feel better. She swipes at her eye angrily, trying to stop herself from crying.]}

I... It's different! I just... I have to make it my own or I'm not going to be worth anything.

_{[She turns toward Hikari and after a moment of staring, gives her an awkward, one-armed hug. They're alone. No one else has to know about this.]}

[She's about to say something in response as Asuka turns to look at her, and the words die in her throat. What is she-? When she hugs her, Hikari is so stunned she can only return the hug - with care to not hurt her bandaged arm - for a little while.]

... I'm sorry. You are worth something, Asuka.

[Your jacket might get a little wet, Asuka. Sorry about that.]

_{[Well, so might Hikari's at this point. No biggie.

Asuka herself is feeling a host of conflicting emotions - relief that Hikari is here for her to lean on, anger and guilt directed at herself for needing Hikari to lean on in the first place, despair at the hopeless situation she just found herself yanked out of. Confusion. Frustration. The relief and comfort wins out (temporarily) in the end and for a few more long moments, she clings to Hikari. She's an island of stability and familiarity at the moment.]}

_{Just don't tell anyone about this.}

[Alright she's cool with that. Along with a bunch of other emotions. Hikari's not that much better off. She kind of is amused in a sad way at what Asuka says, and clings a little more to her.]

I won't, promise.

_Good.

_{[It's really all she can say to that. It's sort of OK with Hikari - it doesn't stop the guilt or anger, but it does help her deal with it. She reluctantly loosens her grip and wipes at her eye with her hand.]}

...what is this place, anyway? I heard it was the Garden.

_{[When in doubt, change the subject.]}

[When Asuka begins to loosen her grip, she lets up on the clinging and gives her room to wipe her face. Hikari feels a little relieved, but still worried, by the subject change.]

Mm, yeah, it's called the Gardens. Apparently only girls are brought here.

001 | Yes, It's the End of the World As We Know It | Audio/Visual

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

Re: [action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

Re: [action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

Re: [action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]