queenofheartsrp | existential 008 [video]

[It is dusk, and the area behind Sephiroth is too dark to ascertain exactly where she is, but it is clear that she is alone, in a place where tall trees cast shadows. She seems thoughtful, but not overly emotional, perhaps even slightly detached, as she speaks.]

There is an idea that has been preoccupying me for some time. Once, I spoke to the Queen and one of her associates--or subordinates--and they said certain things to me that I have not been able to forget.

I was told that we have not truly been removed from our worlds, but that only a part of us has been taken, and while we are here, our other selves, our true selves, continue on in our daily lives.

It is possible that we are merely puppets, simulacra made for the Queen's use or entertainment, and not the people we believe ourselves to be. What if what was taken from us was a copy of our memories, which was then given to a false form? If so, when we leave this place, we will disappear. Our existence and our time here will have been meaningless. Those who have vanished and then return claim to have new memories from their own worlds, but what if they are nothing but new constructs with more stolen memories?

I know of no way to test this theory, but it troubles me. If that were the nature of our existence, I do not know if I would choose to exist.

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[Reeve's hair is wet, as if she's just showered, which she has. She appears thoughtful.]

No, I can't think of a way to test your theory, though I wish I could. Part of me almost wants what you say to be the case-- then at least I'd be less worried about the events taking place in my world. But yes, a part of me is very troubled by the idea as well.
Though I do say that even if I am a construct, I can't beleive that my existence here, all I've learned, is meaningless. Even if I were to vanish, I would still have "lived" this time in my own way. If that makes any sense at all.

But Sephiroth, as compelling as the idea is, I don't know that I'd trust any idea that the Queen or any of her associates put into my head. They seem to have a knack for targeting one's weak spots. So to speak.

[She closes her eyes for a moment.] I know I am already a construct in some ways. That is, things were done to me, and I do not know what they were. I was made the way I am. [Her upbringing and her uniqueness make that clear, though many things have been kept from her.]

[After a pause, she opens her eyes again.] What would render it meaningless would be the fact that all of us would be constructs. This would all be for someone else's benefit, not for our own, our interactions meant to serve as energy or entertainment. We would have no true autonomy.

I do not trust them. They did not say these things to me, though my theorizing is based on their words. It is possible.

Yes, that's precisely what I mean. I'm not sure that theories based on cryptic statements made by our abductors are liable to be among the most sound theories you could develop.

But, for the sake of argument, I will say that I feel intent in creation isn't all. I know that you're a construct in some respects, but that hasn't stripped you of humanity, or of free will. I don't beleive that any human contact, even if one is a human construct, is meaningless. In the end, we make meaning-- or the lack of it.

Possibly I'm simply very stubborn, but I do think it is still possible to act in good faith even in a faithless situation.

I am aware of that, Reeve. I do not accept the theory myself. I have been considering it, that is all, and it troubles me. Perhaps it would explain the lack I feel here, as if something is missing. I want to understand.

[She closes her eyes again as she considers Reeve's statements. In the military, she knows how to act. She has a place, a purpose.] How should I make meaning here, in this meaningless place?

What correct action can be taken, if all is faithlessness?

Well, of course you are-- I don't mean to insult your intelligence. If what was said didn't trouble you, I'd be surprised. It would trouble just about anyone, frankly, but I do understand why it would trouble you in particular.

[She seems concerned and thoughtful, but absorbed in the questions her friend poses more than anything else.]

For myself, I make meaning by doing the things I feel moved to do, whether they find reception here or not. You know that I try to go about things as I would at home-- I create my own reality within this one, false as it might be. I think that I must follow my path, and if I've lost it, I have to regroup, to put my feet where my gut tells me they should go until I find my way again.

But I know better than to tell a General about regrouping! When everything is in chaos and there is no outside guiding principle or framework, the action you choose to take for yourself, the action that is true to yourself, is the "correct" action.

Just my opinion, of course. I know you feel this lack, and that it causes you pain. I wish I could be sure enough of what all this means to say something truly illuminating.

[She considers all Reeve's words quite seriously, but Sephiroth's way of problem solving is much more direct and far-reaching than Reeve's.]

If I believed that everything was faithless, my course of action would be to root out that faithlessness so that a fresh start could be made. That would be the only correct action. Otherwise, my acts would be corrupted and rendered meaningless by that bad faith, no matter my intentions.

For instance, here, we are expected to form attachments and feel affection. Those may be good actions, but if we were created to perform them for the Queen's benefit, they serve her, and perhaps we are being manipulated into them. They would not be pure or genuine.

I don't know. Possibly it's simply that I don't believe it's inevitable that bad faith, bad intent, corrupts every action taken by those operating under it. I think it's possible to act with meaning and faith in such a system-- and that great good can come out of the impulse to make something pure and genuine even when one knows that it's possible one is being manipulated, or lied to.

[She sighs, smiling as if at herself.]I know, I know. I can go on. But I do beleive what I say. Possibly it's a self-serving belief-- one that makes it easier to process some aspects of my life, but I don't think so.

Perhaps it would be possible to do something meaningful in such a situation, but it would be far more productive to destroy the system first, would it not? If one had that power.

If not, then I suppose your way of doing things has some worth.

Of course, no system is perfect, and some compromises must be made. I am speaking of a situation where nothing can be salvaged. If this place is utterly false, and we exist for someone else's benefit alone--that is something I would not willingly accept.

existential 008 [video]

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