existential 008 [video]

[no-hometown.livejournal.com]

[It is dusk, and the area behind Sephiroth is too dark to ascertain exactly where she is, but it is clear that she is alone, in a place where tall trees cast shadows. She seems thoughtful, but not overly emotional, perhaps even slightly detached, as she speaks.]

There is an idea that has been preoccupying me for some time. Once, I spoke to the Queen and one of her associates--or subordinates--and they said certain things to me that I have not been able to forget.

I was told that we have not truly been removed from our worlds, but that only a part of us has been taken, and while we are here, our other selves, our true selves, continue on in our daily lives.

It is possible that we are merely puppets, simulacra made for the Queen's use or entertainment, and not the people we believe ourselves to be. What if what was taken from us was a copy of our memories, which was then given to a false form? If so, when we leave this place, we will disappear. Our existence and our time here will have been meaningless. Those who have vanished and then return claim to have new memories from their own worlds, but what if they are nothing but new constructs with more stolen memories?

I know of no way to test this theory, but it troubles me. If that were the nature of our existence, I do not know if I would choose to exist.

Comments

[no-hometown.livejournal.com]

I am aware of that, Reeve. I do not accept the theory myself. I have been considering it, that is all, and it troubles me. Perhaps it would explain the lack I feel here, as if something is missing. I want to understand.

[She closes her eyes again as she considers Reeve's statements. In the military, she knows how to act. She has a place, a purpose.] How should I make meaning here, in this meaningless place?

What correct action can be taken, if all is faithlessness?

[urbanwonderland.livejournal.com]

Well, of course you are-- I don't mean to insult your intelligence. If what was said didn't trouble you, I'd be surprised. It would trouble just about anyone, frankly, but I do understand why it would trouble you in particular.

[She seems concerned and thoughtful, but absorbed in the questions her friend poses more than anything else.]

For myself, I make meaning by doing the things I feel moved to do, whether they find reception here or not. You know that I try to go about things as I would at home-- I create my own reality within this one, false as it might be. I think that I must follow my path, and if I've lost it, I have to regroup, to put my feet where my gut tells me they should go until I find my way again.

But I know better than to tell a General about regrouping! When everything is in chaos and there is no outside guiding principle or framework, the action you choose to take for yourself, the action that is true to yourself, is the "correct" action.

Just my opinion, of course. I know you feel this lack, and that it causes you pain. I wish I could be sure enough of what all this means to say something truly illuminating.

[no-hometown.livejournal.com]

[She considers all Reeve's words quite seriously, but Sephiroth's way of problem solving is much more direct and far-reaching than Reeve's.]

If I believed that everything was faithless, my course of action would be to root out that faithlessness so that a fresh start could be made. That would be the only correct action. Otherwise, my acts would be corrupted and rendered meaningless by that bad faith, no matter my intentions.

For instance, here, we are expected to form attachments and feel affection. Those may be good actions, but if we were created to perform them for the Queen's benefit, they serve her, and perhaps we are being manipulated into them. They would not be pure or genuine.

[urbanwonderland.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Possibly it's simply that I don't believe it's inevitable that bad faith, bad intent, corrupts every action taken by those operating under it. I think it's possible to act with meaning and faith in such a system-- and that great good can come out of the impulse to make something pure and genuine even when one knows that it's possible one is being manipulated, or lied to.

[She sighs, smiling as if at herself.]I know, I know. I can go on. But I do beleive what I say. Possibly it's a self-serving belief-- one that makes it easier to process some aspects of my life, but I don't think so.

[no-hometown.livejournal.com]

Perhaps it would be possible to do something meaningful in such a situation, but it would be far more productive to destroy the system first, would it not? If one had that power.

If not, then I suppose your way of doing things has some worth.

Of course, no system is perfect, and some compromises must be made. I am speaking of a situation where nothing can be salvaged. If this place is utterly false, and we exist for someone else's benefit alone--that is something I would not willingly accept.