http://k0kka.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] k0kka.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] queenofheartsrp2011-02-02 10:31 am

vii ❧ video/action;

[She's back out here again, a tiny altar to all that she holds dear. She's down on her knees in the dirt in a new white shift.]

Wish Abe was here, bit too manly and dead for this place though. [She looks upwards and is silent, listening to the world around her, all the trees and the animals, they make unnatural sounds in this strange garden, chords drawn in directions Paderau doesn't understand and can't really decipher with all the fire in her center. If Jast were here, he could sort it out, but no boys allowed and all Paderau can do is listening to him singing in the back of her mind. The others are there too, always are, that's the way it should be.

She voices herself eventually, pensively,]


I learned a long time ago there's nothing to do but wear it. Screaming never brings anybody back. [Hadn't brought her ducklings back, hadn't brought Abe back, won't undo this.] Haven't felt this helpless in a century, I swear it. I guess it was about time I got back on my knees.

Xion, baby, I know I need to talk to you. And the gal I apparently chewed on.

[She closes her eyes tiredly.]

I'll be here for a while.
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-02 04:11 pm (UTC)(link)
[she takes a step, her eyes fixing on the offered arm...then drops down and just throws her arms around the woman, pressing her face to her shoulder. A solid sign that everything is right again.]
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-02 04:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[she's eternally grateful to Sora for teaching her what hugs are. Nothing else compares to feeling someone's presence so closely.]

It's okay. You're okay now.

[she bites her lip; her eyes are dry, but there's a lump in her throat still.]

I'm...okay too.
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-02 06:49 pm (UTC)(link)
[she shakes her head.]

I'm just glad you're back.

[she can forgive, because she's done something like it--forced friends to fight her. Selfishly and otherwise. Except she'd done it willingly--that was worse, much worse.]
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-02 07:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[little duckling squeezes right back. She's got quite the grip for something so tiny.]

We were going to stay with you...but then I changed--

[she swallows hard. She's so ashamed that she ran away.]

I left Mahalia alone...she didn't get hurt, did she?
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-02 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[the gesture is strange and comforting at the same time, and she finds the stiff line of her shoulders relaxing finally. This is real.]

I...I hurt you.
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-02 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[those words make a little too much sense, and she wonders why they weren't there for her before. She lets her eyes slip shut, her pale, skinny frame trembling a little. It's all over. They're safe.]

It'll stop?

[the guilt for all she did still eats away at her inside, carving a hollow space emptier than any Nobody has. This, on top of it, is fainter but still fresh, scratches still stinging with antiseptic. She looked for injuries, for blood, but found none. It was all inside.]
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-02 08:36 pm (UTC)(link)
["right" is what she's not sure about--she knows how to be friends. To spend time and eat ice cream and talk and laugh...but she doesn't know how to reconnect.]

[but she shouldn't be troubling Paderau with this. Not here, not now.]

[she nods, turning her head a little, her eyes a little too bright. Perhaps with tears.]


I'll do my best.
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-03 02:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Is it okay...if I stay with you for a little while?
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-04 03:12 pm (UTC)(link)
[she draws back a little, awkwardly, not quite sure how to end the embrace, and sits next to Paderau on the ground.]

Maybe sometime we could--...

[she has to stop for a moment, and reorganize her thoughts.]

Before I came here...I used to do something special with my friends every day. We'd all eat ice cream together. Do you think...we could do that some time?
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-06 02:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Someone I met said she could make it...but I haven't had a chance to ask her.

[she does smile a little at that wink. She's glad Paderau is feeling well enough to be positive.]
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[personal profile] mnementomori 2011-02-07 02:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Her name is Italy...have you met her?