queenofheartsrp | [video/voice/text/action/literally everything]

Entry tags:

[video/voice/text/action/literally everything]

[When the Vine opens up, there's no one to be seen on screen. Instead, it simply displays what has probably by now become a familiar landmark in the Gardens — Jessica's fortress. Just when you might think this is an accidental video of some kind, Nue speaks. Her voice seems to come from somewhere directly below the recording mirror. The truth of the matter is that she's sitting with her back against whatever the Vine happens to be perched on on her end. This is the first anyone will have heard from her in the days since her death at the hands of the woman in the well, Nue having been staying out of sight and sleeping in public places rather than returning to what had been her home.]

Hey. This place is empty, right? I looked around inside, and all I could find were robots. [Though said robots seem to have been doing a good job of keeping the place clean. Not a lot of dust to be found, which just makes staying there all the more appealing to her.] Because... I don't think I'm going to stay at the shrine anymore. So if no one is using in this place, I think I'll just live here from now on.

[She goes quiet for a few seconds, the image on screen unchanging. Then, eventually, she says,] That's all I have to say. I just— I wanted to make sure it was empty, and I thought I should say something in case anyone actually cares where I am.

Voice - Priavate to Yuyuko
[Nue has never really felt comfortable talking to Yuyuko, and even less so after she wound up with one of her memories, but...]

Could you do me a favor?

[She really doesn't want to go back to the shrine right now, and someone needs to get her stuff.]

Text - Private to Kariya & Reimu
[Both of them get the same short message, the Vine unfurling to reveal the words:]

I'm sorry.

[Nue doesn't add anything to that, figuring there's nothing she can say to justify her actions. She also leaves it unsigned, but her identity may very well be easy to figure out based on the content and timing.]

[ ooc: The public portion is also open to action. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nue, is that you?

I understand that it wasn't your fault.

[All Kariya gets back is text. Nue can't look her in the eye right now.]

Yes.

[The second half of the message takes a while to come, but eventually, she adds:]

That doesn't matter. I still did it.

Yes, you did. I know. But you weren't yourself.

I was going to die anyway. Soon.

[When she writes back, the words look more hastily and forcefully scribbled, her agitation coming across even like this.]

That doesn't make any difference. Why aren't you angry with me?

[It seems to taper off as she adds the next bit, though.]

Did you die from it?

It does. It's different here.

I'm angry, but not with you. It was the dreams, and that woman--or the Queen. Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault.

Yes. I died.

[Nue wants to tell Kariya that she should hate her, but she can't quite bring herself to write those words in reply. As irrational as it is, the second she puts the quill to paper she's stricken with paranoia that saying that would make Kariya change her mind somehow, as if she couldn't come up with the idea on her own. As guilty as she feels now, Nue doesn't really want Kariya to do that, even if it feels somehow unsatisfying to be the only between the two of them to think she's an awful person.]

[In the end, doesn't say anything about it at all.]

I'm sorry. [It seems like a laughably inadequate thing to say to the confirmation that she killed her, but she doesn't know what else she could possibly reply with. There's another brief pause before she adds on to the end of the message.] Did the worms come back?

[Immediately, she feels unsure about whether or not she should have asked that, but it's something she wants to know.]

I won't lie. [She speaks to the text, quietly. Her emotions are somewhat confused on the matter. She knows Nue, as a youkai is dangerous. But she really doesn't believe Nue would have done such a thing under ordinary circumstances.] I was frightened, and it hurt, and I'm still afraid. But I felt angry too, and I hurt you, I know.

They came back. But the damage is less than before. Somehow, it was set back a few months. So I'm stronger.

[Under ordinary circumstances, no, but she can't help but think that she could have been pushed to that on her own, even without the well or the Queen. All she feels thinking about it now is guilt and disgust with herself, though, so she doesn't intend to try it again. She doesn't even want to bring up Kariya's condition much beyond this.]

I don't want to hurt you like that again. [Then:] Are you glad that they came back? [She knows that it must be a relief to be stronger, but she doesn't want to say that. Even she knows that would be in poor taste.]

Edited 2012-11-03 19:40 (UTC)

I believe you. I don't want that either, and I don't want to hurt you.

[She pauses before answering the next question. It's not an easy thing to answer.

I need them, but no, I'm not glad. I'll never be glad to have them. I hate them and everything they stand for. I understand why you wanted to get rid of them. Sometimes, there's nothing I want more.

You didn't do anything wrong.

I just hated that I couldn't do anything to help you. [But really, that's a poor excuse. She didn't want her to die, so she killed her? Good logic there, Nue.] I don't know if I really understand, but if you can't get rid of them, I'll just have to accept that.

I attacked you.

I understand. I know what it's like to see someone suffering and to want to do anything to help them. [Kariya's voice breaks, softly.] But sometimes--there's nothing you can do.

I'm afraid that if I lose them here, they won't come back. [No one's managed to convince her that this isn't a danger, that people return to their previous states when they go back.] If I went back to my world without them, I'd die. I have to have them, to fight in the war.

Because I attacked you first.

[Her handwriting is back to jagged and agitated. The rest of Kariya's words don't get an immediate reply, but after a long pause, the Vine curls up only to unfurl into the speech function. Nue still can't bring herself to face Kariya, but the least she can do now is talk to her.]

[It takes her a second or two more to get talking, but when she does...]

You said you're going to die anyway, didn't you? So what's the point? You can be miserable here and then go back and be miserable there for even longer, or you can maybe actually be happy for a little while before you have to die for real.

[She does her best not to sound belligerent about it, but her tone is a little heated nonetheless.]

Yes, you did. But I didn't want to fight you, yet I did.

I'm going to die anyway, but I'm not fighting for myself. I'm fighting for someone else, who needs me. That's why I have to win, no matter what. That's the point. I can't win without the worms making me stronger.

Winning will make me happy, even though I'll die.

[She's sure she's going to win. She can't accept any other outcome.]

[Again, Nue's response isn't immediate. There's a long, quiet breath, soft enough that it's unclear whether she's sighing or inhaling, and then she speaks up.]

F— Fine. It's fine as long as you'll be happy in the end. But if that's how it is... If that's how it is, if you don't win, I'll never forgive you!

It's not how I wanted things to go. I don't want to die. But I didn't have any choice. I had to fight, and now, that's the only way I'll be happy. [That's how she sees it, anyway. She had to.] If I kill Tokiomi and win the Grail.

I promise I'll win. I know I will. My Servant is the strongest, and no one else could want to win as much as I do.

I'll win for Sakura, and I'll win for you, too.

[How can she fail?]

[On her end of the Vine, Nue grits her teeth. More than anything, she's struck by how unfair that arrangement is — with how kind and tolerant and forgiving Kariya has been to her, she can only think that she deserves to live a happy life. She remembers Tokiomi's name from the last time Kariya spoke about him, and now that she has been reminded of him, her conviction that he must be truly horrible for Kariya to hate him so deeply is only doubled. Kariya forgave her for killing her, so what can that possibly say about this man?]

That isn't fair. You should be allowed to be happy! If someone awful like that man is allowed to be... [She takes a breath before she pushes on.] If— If I could, I'd fight for you. I'd fight in your place so you could be happy without dying. [She spits the word with more force than she had intended to. Of course, she knows this isn't possible, and again her helplessness leaves her feeling frustrated and discontent. At least it isn't directed at the worms, this time.] But, if you promise...

[She sighs. What else can she say?] Sakura... That's the person you have to win for? [She pauses for a second, then asks,] Why?

[She just wants to understand why someone like Kariya would throw her life away.]

[It's true that Tokiomi has done things that aren't right, but he isn't quite the villain Kariya makes him out to be--not that she'll ever be able to see that. To her, he's the worst person, along with Zouken, and she can't take out her rage on Zouken, who's so powerful and beyond her reach.]

There are a lot of things that aren't fair. And I won't let that man be happy. That's why I'm going to stop him. I won't let him win.

Nue... [She's actually touched by the offer.] Thank you. But I wouldn't want you to go into danger for me. Even though you're so much stronger than I am. I already have Berserker fighting for me. He's my Servant. Even if he can't stop me from dying, he can win.

I do promise. I won't lose.

[She nods.]

That's right. Sakura. She's just a child. My best friend's daughter. I'm her Aunt Kariya. I have to look out for her. Tokiomi--that man--gave her to my family. He knew what my family was like. I couldn't just let her suffer, alone! If I win, she'll be free.

[There's a passion in her voice. She means every word.]

Why? Are you the only one who's allowed to jump into danger for someone else? Even though you're throwing your life away...

[She trails off, though, and sighs. No matter what she argues, it won't actually matter. Unseen, her wings twitch irritably behind her.]

[Even though she's the one who asked, Nue isn't sure what to say to Kariya's reply about Sakura. She doesn't know if there's anything she could say that would do it justice. Eventually, she settles on,] That's why it isn't fair that you have to die. You're so kind, and you care so much about other people...

I'm not stopping anyone else from doing what they want, but me--I don't want anyone to suffer because of me, that's all.

I do care. About the people who matter to me. But I've made mistakes. Things are the way they are now because of me, because of things I did and didn't do. And I have to make up for it now.

That's why I have to die. It's my responsibility, no one else's. I'm not throwing my life away, I'm giving it up for a reason. For someone special, who needs me. [She feels tears sting her eyes. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do. She couldn't live as the person who'd stand aside and do nothing.]

[Quiet, again. Nue wants to ask if she's a person that matters to Kariya, but she's afraid to, and it seems like a selfish thing to ask now, anyway. So, instead, she just focuses on soaking in Kariya's words, remaining silent as she mulls them over and tries to decide just what to say to that.]

...Okay. [And that's it. She has already resolved to let Kariya do as she feels she has to do, and why she feels that way makes more sense to Nue now. Even if she doesn't like it, she can accept it. So, rather than argue, she asks,] Is there anything I can do to make you hurt less? So you don't have to suffer so much, either.

[Even if she says she isn't throwing her life away, Nue doesn't like that she has to cope with so much pain. She thinks it's admirable how much she's willing to endure for the sake of someone else, but it upsets her, too. It seems thankless. So...] I want to be able to do at least that much.

Dying did help. I didn't like it at all, but it hurts less, for now.

[Not that she wants to thank Nue for killing her. She won't go that far.]

Just don't do that again. Maybe the doctor will be able to help me more.

One thing I could use is company. I'm at the clinic now, and it's better, but... Sometimes I still feel alone. All I need is someone to talk to.

Are you all right? After what happened?

[Nue can't help but let out a tiny, hysterical-sounding laugh at that. She does wonder if a mercy killing wouldn't be kinder when Kariya reaches a certain state, but she certainly has no intention of doing anything like that without being explicitly asked.]

I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking—normally. I won't do it again, I promise. [She babbles out apologies without thinking, aware of how inadequate they are even as the words leave her mouth. She means it, though. The thought of hurting Kariya like that again makes her sick now.] But I hope she can. If— If you still want to talk to me—

[She can't even finish that sentence, but she hopes what her meaning is implied strongly enough. She bites her lip as she's questioned in turn, hands balling up as she decides how to answer that. At this point, maybe honesty is best.]

...Not really. [Then, she forces out,] Are we still—friends?

You don't have to apologize again. I don't blame you for it. Like I said, I blame the Queen. She lets these things happen to us, even though she says she loves us. It's wrong. She doesn't love us.

[She forgives Nue for what she did. She'd never had many friends, and she's always valued those few she's had highly. She doesn't want other people to tear them apart. Everyone's so kind here. She cares about the people she's met, Nue included. In fact, after they've spoken so many times and even changed bodies, she feels like she can understand her. Not perfectly, but somewhat.]

I understand. That's not what I meant. I had those awful dreams too. I know what it was like. I wanted to do things, too. I wasn't myself, either.

And now--I am myself, and I do want to talk to you.

Yes. We're friends. That hasn't changed. I wouldn't give up on a friend so easily. [She gives a crooked smile.] Is there something I can do to help you, Nue?

[Nue sucks in a breath when Kariya smiles and tells her that. In spite of everything, she still hadn't really expected to hear that answer, and she's so, so thankful for it that for a second, she's speechless. She bites her lip.]

...Okay. [Her voice wavers, and even without letting herself be seen on the other end of the Vine, it's plainly obvious that she's on the verge of tears when she speaks again.] Thank you.

[She doesn't like letting other people see—or hear—her cry, but she can't help it. After what she did to Kariya and what Sanae said to her, she was convinced that no one would care about her anymore. And even if she still doesn't understand why Kariya doesn't hate her, knowing that is so relieving that she can't help the tears.]

I don't know. [She sniffles.] Everything that happened was r-really bad. [When dying is the least upsetting part of your week...]

You don't have to thank me. That's what friends do, isn't it?

[Friends trust in each other. They put each other first. Kariya doesn't believe Nue would ever have done that if not for what had been done to their minds. It was like when their bodies were switched, only worse.

She pauses when she hears the tears in Nue's voice, frowning.]

Nue... I'm sorry it was so bad. [In spite of what happened, she feels concern. She wants to help, still. She can't stand to hear someone cry and do nothing about it.] Do you want to talk about it? I can come to your new home to see you. I think I know where it is.

video, private;

no subject

video;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

text → voice

video

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

this thread is making me miss my icons :'| OH WELL.

aw, i feel you-- it is fun to have extra icons, but I think yours do well!