queenofheartsrp | [video/voice/text/action/literally everything]

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[video/voice/text/action/literally everything]

[When the Vine opens up, there's no one to be seen on screen. Instead, it simply displays what has probably by now become a familiar landmark in the Gardens — Jessica's fortress. Just when you might think this is an accidental video of some kind, Nue speaks. Her voice seems to come from somewhere directly below the recording mirror. The truth of the matter is that she's sitting with her back against whatever the Vine happens to be perched on on her end. This is the first anyone will have heard from her in the days since her death at the hands of the woman in the well, Nue having been staying out of sight and sleeping in public places rather than returning to what had been her home.]

Hey. This place is empty, right? I looked around inside, and all I could find were robots. [Though said robots seem to have been doing a good job of keeping the place clean. Not a lot of dust to be found, which just makes staying there all the more appealing to her.] Because... I don't think I'm going to stay at the shrine anymore. So if no one is using in this place, I think I'll just live here from now on.

[She goes quiet for a few seconds, the image on screen unchanging. Then, eventually, she says,] That's all I have to say. I just— I wanted to make sure it was empty, and I thought I should say something in case anyone actually cares where I am.

Voice - Priavate to Yuyuko
[Nue has never really felt comfortable talking to Yuyuko, and even less so after she wound up with one of her memories, but...]

Could you do me a favor?

[She really doesn't want to go back to the shrine right now, and someone needs to get her stuff.]

Text - Private to Kariya & Reimu
[Both of them get the same short message, the Vine unfurling to reveal the words:]

I'm sorry.

[Nue doesn't add anything to that, figuring there's nothing she can say to justify her actions. She also leaves it unsigned, but her identity may very well be easy to figure out based on the content and timing.]

[ ooc: The public portion is also open to action. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It's true that Tokiomi has done things that aren't right, but he isn't quite the villain Kariya makes him out to be--not that she'll ever be able to see that. To her, he's the worst person, along with Zouken, and she can't take out her rage on Zouken, who's so powerful and beyond her reach.]

There are a lot of things that aren't fair. And I won't let that man be happy. That's why I'm going to stop him. I won't let him win.

Nue... [She's actually touched by the offer.] Thank you. But I wouldn't want you to go into danger for me. Even though you're so much stronger than I am. I already have Berserker fighting for me. He's my Servant. Even if he can't stop me from dying, he can win.

I do promise. I won't lose.

[She nods.]

That's right. Sakura. She's just a child. My best friend's daughter. I'm her Aunt Kariya. I have to look out for her. Tokiomi--that man--gave her to my family. He knew what my family was like. I couldn't just let her suffer, alone! If I win, she'll be free.

[There's a passion in her voice. She means every word.]

Why? Are you the only one who's allowed to jump into danger for someone else? Even though you're throwing your life away...

[She trails off, though, and sighs. No matter what she argues, it won't actually matter. Unseen, her wings twitch irritably behind her.]

[Even though she's the one who asked, Nue isn't sure what to say to Kariya's reply about Sakura. She doesn't know if there's anything she could say that would do it justice. Eventually, she settles on,] That's why it isn't fair that you have to die. You're so kind, and you care so much about other people...

I'm not stopping anyone else from doing what they want, but me--I don't want anyone to suffer because of me, that's all.

I do care. About the people who matter to me. But I've made mistakes. Things are the way they are now because of me, because of things I did and didn't do. And I have to make up for it now.

That's why I have to die. It's my responsibility, no one else's. I'm not throwing my life away, I'm giving it up for a reason. For someone special, who needs me. [She feels tears sting her eyes. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do. She couldn't live as the person who'd stand aside and do nothing.]

[Quiet, again. Nue wants to ask if she's a person that matters to Kariya, but she's afraid to, and it seems like a selfish thing to ask now, anyway. So, instead, she just focuses on soaking in Kariya's words, remaining silent as she mulls them over and tries to decide just what to say to that.]

...Okay. [And that's it. She has already resolved to let Kariya do as she feels she has to do, and why she feels that way makes more sense to Nue now. Even if she doesn't like it, she can accept it. So, rather than argue, she asks,] Is there anything I can do to make you hurt less? So you don't have to suffer so much, either.

[Even if she says she isn't throwing her life away, Nue doesn't like that she has to cope with so much pain. She thinks it's admirable how much she's willing to endure for the sake of someone else, but it upsets her, too. It seems thankless. So...] I want to be able to do at least that much.

Dying did help. I didn't like it at all, but it hurts less, for now.

[Not that she wants to thank Nue for killing her. She won't go that far.]

Just don't do that again. Maybe the doctor will be able to help me more.

One thing I could use is company. I'm at the clinic now, and it's better, but... Sometimes I still feel alone. All I need is someone to talk to.

Are you all right? After what happened?

[Nue can't help but let out a tiny, hysterical-sounding laugh at that. She does wonder if a mercy killing wouldn't be kinder when Kariya reaches a certain state, but she certainly has no intention of doing anything like that without being explicitly asked.]

I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking—normally. I won't do it again, I promise. [She babbles out apologies without thinking, aware of how inadequate they are even as the words leave her mouth. She means it, though. The thought of hurting Kariya like that again makes her sick now.] But I hope she can. If— If you still want to talk to me—

[She can't even finish that sentence, but she hopes what her meaning is implied strongly enough. She bites her lip as she's questioned in turn, hands balling up as she decides how to answer that. At this point, maybe honesty is best.]

...Not really. [Then, she forces out,] Are we still—friends?

You don't have to apologize again. I don't blame you for it. Like I said, I blame the Queen. She lets these things happen to us, even though she says she loves us. It's wrong. She doesn't love us.

[She forgives Nue for what she did. She'd never had many friends, and she's always valued those few she's had highly. She doesn't want other people to tear them apart. Everyone's so kind here. She cares about the people she's met, Nue included. In fact, after they've spoken so many times and even changed bodies, she feels like she can understand her. Not perfectly, but somewhat.]

I understand. That's not what I meant. I had those awful dreams too. I know what it was like. I wanted to do things, too. I wasn't myself, either.

And now--I am myself, and I do want to talk to you.

Yes. We're friends. That hasn't changed. I wouldn't give up on a friend so easily. [She gives a crooked smile.] Is there something I can do to help you, Nue?

[Nue sucks in a breath when Kariya smiles and tells her that. In spite of everything, she still hadn't really expected to hear that answer, and she's so, so thankful for it that for a second, she's speechless. She bites her lip.]

...Okay. [Her voice wavers, and even without letting herself be seen on the other end of the Vine, it's plainly obvious that she's on the verge of tears when she speaks again.] Thank you.

[She doesn't like letting other people see—or hear—her cry, but she can't help it. After what she did to Kariya and what Sanae said to her, she was convinced that no one would care about her anymore. And even if she still doesn't understand why Kariya doesn't hate her, knowing that is so relieving that she can't help the tears.]

I don't know. [She sniffles.] Everything that happened was r-really bad. [When dying is the least upsetting part of your week...]

You don't have to thank me. That's what friends do, isn't it?

[Friends trust in each other. They put each other first. Kariya doesn't believe Nue would ever have done that if not for what had been done to their minds. It was like when their bodies were switched, only worse.

She pauses when she hears the tears in Nue's voice, frowning.]

Nue... I'm sorry it was so bad. [In spite of what happened, she feels concern. She wants to help, still. She can't stand to hear someone cry and do nothing about it.] Do you want to talk about it? I can come to your new home to see you. I think I know where it is.

Maybe. I guess. [She sniffs, loudly.] There's no one else here, so I guess that's okay. B-but you don't have to walk all the way over here. I can come to wh-where you are.

[She doesn't want to inconvenience Kariya, and especially not after everything that happened. If she's going to be kind enough to forgive her and comfort her in the first place...]

Edited 2012-11-05 17:48 (UTC)

You can come here, if you want, but I don't mind walking.

I've been staying at the clinic, but now that I feel better, I can go farther. [It is good, to have some more strength again. Even if it still hurts a great deal, she feels so much better than she did, no longer on the verge of death.]

You shouldn't have to be alone. What happened?

[She really doesn't like to hear Nue crying. Even if there are some fears and resentments remaining in her (she's only human, and what happened was traumatic), the tears soften them.]

[Automatically, she shakes her head, even if Kariya can't see her do it. Even if Kariya is feeling better now, shouldn't she save her strength? She shouldn't have to come out here for someone like her. Right now, Nue can't really parse whether this train of thought it rational, but with how firmly set she is on self-flagellation, it'll be hard to get her to think otherwise.]

[That, and she thinks it'll be easier to compose herself if she doesn't have to worry about being interrupted.]

No, I'll come! I'll come to you, so just— Just stay put.

[Already, she's moving to stand up, trying to orient herself and remember which direction the clinic is in from here.]

I— I came here because I wanted to be alone. [Because she couldn't face anyone.] I'll t...tell you when I see you.

[She doesn't really want to talk about it on the Vine.]

All right, Nue. [She has no real reason to insist. She can stay here, too.]

I'll wait for you here. I'm outside now, right near the clinic. It won't be hard to find me.

[She looks up, as though expecting Nue to appear, though she knows it will take her some time to get there.]

I understand wanting to be alone. But sometimes it's not a good idea, even if it seems to be.

Okay, I'll be there — soon.

[She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, not even replying to Kariya's last words before the Vine closes itself up. Maybe out of embarrassment, as her speech was still peppered with muffled crying noises, or maybe just because she wants to save that discussion for when she sees Kariya in person. In any case, she does take a few breaths to calm herself down before she even thinks about going anywhere, and it's only after her tears have stopped and she dries her eyes that she looks upward herself. It's not like there's no sign she's been crying, but at least she looks less pathetic like this.]

[Nue has trouble keeping track of where everything in the Gardens is, but the fact that she flies everywhere means she doesn't actually have to. She can see most places when she gets up high enough, so it doesn't take her long from when she lifts off the ground to arrive at the clinic. She lands a fair distance away from Kariya, and her gaze darting between her and the ground several times in the span of not very long at all, and she doesn't move to come any closer. She's waiting for Kariya to acknowledge her or give her permission before approaching.]

[She waits, watching for Nue. She sits down on the ground near the Vine, thoughtful. She's glad Nue still wants to be friends. She hadn't been sure of what would happen between the two of them, whether they'd continue to talk, but she values every friend she has. Even if something happens between them.

She does feel a slight flutter of fear as she waits, considering the last time she saw Nue and what transpired then. Nue had been different, hostile, even though she'd been trying to help in her way. Kariya puts a hand to the place where she was injured. She remembers dying: slowly, in the cold. She shudders, then shakes her head to clear it.

Kariya remains watchful, so she sees Nue descending from the sky. It's a sight that would be hard to miss. Once Nue's landed, she turns toward her and waves, sensing that Nue is waiting for some sign from her as she remains some distance away.]

Nue. Hello.

[Even though she was waiting for it, when Kariya speaks, Nue glances up like the sound of her voice surprised her. But she doesn't look away, this time, only slightly wide-eyed even as she stays rooted to the spot. She pulls at the hem of her skirt some while she decides what to say back. (It's still short, even with the weather. Honestly, now...)]

...Kariya. Hey.

[She feels like she should have something a little more meaningful than that to say, but that's all she can think of. After a moment of further thought, she gives up and steps closer, movements still tentative. Her wings swish and flick here and there behind her.]

Are you... [She stops and closes her mouth again. She takes a breath before trying a second time.] Are you really okay?

[She rises to her feet, slowly. She is feeling better, so sitting and standing again isn't the effort it would have been, before. She smiles, just a little, hesitating before replying.]

Yes.

I'm fine now. I came back to life. It was just like I'd heard. I don't understand it. There were snakes, all around me, and one of them bit me.

[She'd had the certainty, then, that if she died again, something worse would happen, but she didn't know what.]

I don't know how the Queen can do things like that. But I think the snakes helped me, with the worms.

[She pauses again.]

And you?

[She shifts from foot to foot as Kariya talks, her expression and posture otherwise closed. Their post-death experiences apparently mirror one another's, but she doesn't say anything about that just yet or even let on that that's where her thoughts have drifted.]

I think... That's what the snakes' job is. They're supposed to take care of people who are sick or hurt.

[Which doesn't bother Nue, even if the biting seems a bit much to her. She likes snakes, after all, and has a certain affinity for them. When Kariya asks how she is, though, it's her turn to hesitate. She already said she isn't okay, but...]

...Not great. [Hilariously, it's easier for her to talk about her own death than the rest of what she did and was done to her, so she starts with,] I died too, you know, so this place paid me back pretty quickly for what happened between us. [Not that it makes things any better, really.] The— Woman. The one we spoke to. She pulled me into the bottom of her well and ripped me apart.

[She lets out a deep sigh as she says it, her eyes falling away from Kariya as she unconsciously hugs at herself. There are a lot of things she would prefer death to, but that doesn't make the experience fun. It hurt a lot, though she guesses she can't really protest the punishment. She just thinks that if it were to come from anyone, it should have been one of the people she actually did wrong.]

...Anyway, the same thing happened to me when I woke up. The snakes.

It must be.

[She thinks of asking them to get rid of the worms entirely, but she's still too afraid of the thought that she might return to her world without them. She would die, and she would lose, if that happened.]

You died, too?

[She starts, visibly upset. She hadn't realized that, hadn't realized what the end of what the Woman started was. The knowledge is horrifying. Even if Nue had killed her, it hadn't been her fault, and she hadn't deserved--that.]

She did? That's horrible--

I didn't want that. I'd never want that. Even if you hurt me, that shouldn't have happened to you. It doesn't make it right. This place... I could almost like it here, but it's too cruel. [She shudders.] The Queen shouldn't allow these things to happen. It makes me hate this place sometimes.

I'm sorry, Nue. Though I'm glad the snakes helped you, too.

No, she shouldn't. [She sighs.] That's what bothered me about it. What I did wasn't her business. If I was going to be punished like that for it, it should have come from one of the people I actually wronged.

[Sure, she had said something about how her actions had been a betrayal, but Nue didn't buy it. More and more, she was convinced those nightmares were a direct result of speaking with her, so how could she betray someone who had driven her to that point in the first place?]

...It hurt a lot. She tore my wings out. [They lash busily behind her.] But I'm all in one piece now, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

No, she must have been the one who gave us those dreams, so it was her doing in the first place. That's just unfair. I don't think anyone should have punished you. I wouldn't have. No matter what you did.

[She shudders again, not liking to think of Nue being hurt in that way. In spite of what happened between them.]

Yes, we're all right now. Things are better. I hope that won't happen again. That nothing like that will happen to us again.

[She coughs, getting somewhat upset, wrapping an arm around her body. The damage from the worms is less now, but they're still there, with her.]

I don't want anyone to be hurt, that's all.

[No one she wishes harm against is here, after all.]

[The cough makes Nue forget her shyness, at least for the moment, and she moves closer out of concern. She even reaches out to wrap an arm around Kariya's back and rub, trying to offer her some comfort. She feels guilty now, remembering how getting upset in Kariya's body made her hurt. She should have been more considerate. She should have chosen to talk about other things.]

I know. It's unfair, but there's nothing we can do about it now. [It's weirdly touching to hear Kariya say no one should have punished her, so she doesn't bother to contradict her. She refused Reimu's punishment, anyway, so there isn't much point in doing so.] And like I said, it's over, so it's not like I'm all that upset about it now.

[It's only partly a lie. She really is more concerned with other matters and doesn't see much point to dwelling on her death.]

There are other things that upset me more, anyway.

[She doesn't say what, though, waiting to see if Kariya is alright with talking about them now.]

I'm all right.

[She tenses and almost flinches, but she manages not to, when Nue comes closer. She doesn't think Nue is going to hurt her now, it's just the memory. It's painful. She doesn't want to remember a friend hurting her. That's one thing she's never had the pain of experiencing before now. It was always other people who'd hurt her. But her coughing ceases for now, and she appreciates the comfort, accepting it, even leaning into it a little. Comfort can be so hard to find.]

But you're right, there's nothing we can do. I'm glad it's all over. I hope nothing like that happens again.

[She turns to look at Nue when she brings up the new topic.] Other things? Like what? What's wrong? [She's still able to be worried, for Nue's sake.]

Hm... If you're sure...

[Well, at least Kariya didn't cringe away. Nue still feels a little awkward when she steps back again, immediately clasping her hands behind herself and looking away again. She probably shouldn't have just invaded her space like that, either, even if she had just been worried. Why is she so bad at this?]

[In any case, she nods to confirm when Kariya echoes her "other things." She kind of wants to sit down, just because her posture doesn't feel appropriately sulky like this.]

...I messed up a lot, and I can't blame all of it on what happened. I tried to hurt one of the people I was living with, too, and I don't think I have a girlfriend anymore. That's why I decided to move out and live alone.

I'm sure.

[She nods, feeling a little strange and awkward, but not bad, not about the contact, at least. It's something she's had so little of that in the past months (years?) that a part of her does crave it.]

Nue... [She's not sure what to say at first. She's quiet for a few moments. She's never had a girlfriend, let alone lost one. But even though she can't empathize, she feels a great deal of sympathy. She does know what it's like to push people away.]

But even so, you weren't yourself. You deserve another chance. At least one. Did you talk to the person you hurt? Or your girlfriend? Maybe they'll understand. Maybe leaving isn't the answer.

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this thread is making me miss my icons :'| OH WELL.

aw, i feel you-- it is fun to have extra icons, but I think yours do well!

I just got lucky when my paid ran out, ahaha.

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