queenofheartsrp | existential 008 [video]

[It is dusk, and the area behind Sephiroth is too dark to ascertain exactly where she is, but it is clear that she is alone, in a place where tall trees cast shadows. She seems thoughtful, but not overly emotional, perhaps even slightly detached, as she speaks.]

There is an idea that has been preoccupying me for some time. Once, I spoke to the Queen and one of her associates--or subordinates--and they said certain things to me that I have not been able to forget.

I was told that we have not truly been removed from our worlds, but that only a part of us has been taken, and while we are here, our other selves, our true selves, continue on in our daily lives.

It is possible that we are merely puppets, simulacra made for the Queen's use or entertainment, and not the people we believe ourselves to be. What if what was taken from us was a copy of our memories, which was then given to a false form? If so, when we leave this place, we will disappear. Our existence and our time here will have been meaningless. Those who have vanished and then return claim to have new memories from their own worlds, but what if they are nothing but new constructs with more stolen memories?

I know of no way to test this theory, but it troubles me. If that were the nature of our existence, I do not know if I would choose to exist.

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[Sephiroth notes the emotional response, but her own response remains distant, though the slight softness does not leave her expression.]

You mistake my meaning. I do not think a copy is worthless. But if I am a copy, I have no responsibility to what I believe to be my world. I am not Sephiroth. I am something else.

If I am something else, I must decide what I must do and what I must become. Because what I do not want is to exist as someone's puppet.

[like before, those words hit home far too accurately, and she wavers a little, but straightens up finally.]

I know...what you mean. But we all have our memories, and memories are the most important thing, right? They make us...us. So if you want to be Sephiroth, then I think that's okay. We can still make choices, no matter what happens here. We're not puppets.

[Sephiroth listens, then slowly inclines her head, but she does not seem convinced.]

Are memories what make us what we are? If we lose our memories, then what do we become? It is even possible that the memories we have are false in some way. That cannot be ascertained, in this place where we can be shown illusions that seem real, or our emotions can be altered.

Can we truly have free will here?

No, I...I refuse to believe what I've felt here isn't real!

[she seems startled by her own outburst, and shrinks back.]

I--I mean...everyone I've met...they mean so much to me. They can't be just illusions. It can't...

You are angry. [She smiles, but it's an odd, distant smile. She doesn't seem to actually be happy that Xion is upset.] Perhaps you should be angry.

What has been done to us--that would be monstrous if it were true, would it not?

I do not wish to believe that they are illusions, either. I am only trying to understand. Even if the truth is unpleasant, I would prefer to know it.

I'm not-- [which is when she realizes she is, in fact...her face is a little flushed, her heart racing. Hands balled into fists. She tries to relax.]

Not at you. At...at...this place. It's given me so much, but I can't stand the idea of it hurting other people...

[she hangs her head.]

I think...I'd want to know the truth, too. But I hope that's not it.

I did not believe you were angry at me, but if you were, I would not take offense. It is a natural response.

I also hope it's not the truth. Perhaps I spoke out of the hope that someone would convince me otherwise. Yet I defend the idea as if I believe it. I must need a great deal of convincing.

I guess the Queen and everyone aren't going to give us straight answers...so how do we find out the truth ourselves?

That is what I have been trying to determine. I have been observing and studying this place since I arrived, and though I've learned a great deal, so far I've reached no definite conclusion.

You said you were trying to find the "heart" of this place. Have you made any discoveries?

[she shakes her head.]

I went to that new world, but there wasn't anything but more machines there. And the library books talk about hearts, but there's nothing specific...

Well, there is a part of it I can't get to--those bears keep blocking me. I'm not sure what's past there.

[She nods in sympathy.] I explored the new world as well, if not extensively. I too found no answers there. I have been everywhere I am capable of going, even into the Labyrinth, when it was open.

[Sephiroth has been to the library as well, and she knows what Xion is referring to.] That section of the library contains works relating to human sexuality. They are usually seen as inappropriate for people under a certain age. I don't believe they would be of any assistance in this regard.

Sex...uality?

[there is it, her age again...Hayate said something about that.]

Can I ask...what age do I need to be to know? Nobody will explain it to me.

Have you not been taught about biology? All children should be. To reproduce, animals, including humans, mate. They combine genetic material to produce offspring.

Sex, the physical act of mating, is accompanied by a pleasure response, so it is performed for recreation as well as to reproduce. People often attach emotional significance to both the act and the pleasure. The inappropriate books in the library are explicit, sensationalized accounts and depictions of the mating act.

[OOC: I hope Sephiroth's sex-ed class is okay; I tried to keep it age-appropriate.]

No, I wasn't taught...genetic...material?

[yes, her education is severely lacking. And she accepts these words, though she can't really form any mental pictures to go with it. Perhaps that's for the best.]

So it's about...how people have children.

[ooc: it's perfectly fine. XD]

[Sephiroth's own upbringing was questionable, but at least she received an education. She disapproves of someone being created and kept ignorant.]

If you were not taught, I will attempt to answer any questions you might have.

That is the biological purpose of sex, yes. The desire to have sex is a natural instinct. Socially, it serves other purposes, and as I said, it can also be performed without the intent or ability to have children.

It is comparable to the way eating and sleeping are necessary for survival, yet some people eat and sleep for pleasure when they do not need to.

[that actually makes sense to her, having an extremely lazy friend who thought sleeping all day was the best way to spend a vacation.]

Okay. So it's connected to "love" and "romance" like kissing is?

[Sleeping all day is a great way to spend a vacation! Oh wait, wrong character.]

Yes. It is a physical act that can be used to express affection, like kissing.

Okay. I'll try to remember that. Love just keeps getting more complicated the more I learn...

It is not necessarily complicated.

As I said, sexual desire is a simple natural urge. Romance is a social construct that varies from society to society, not an absolute. Be honest and express yourself directly. That is all that is needed.

So just...do what feels right?

I would say that is a wise idea. Straightforwardness solves many problems.

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