０１９ ☠ voice

[jemerite]

Hello.

[Her voice is faint, whispering and hoarse, but it is usually that way, just not always quite so soft. Zinc, pale-skinned and dark-haired, is sitting on the front porch of her little house, one robot cat curled against her side, and a robot bug in her lap.

She's watching the birds in her courtyard wistfully.]

It has been... difficult again. I heard screaming. Sometimes, I wonder... why the Queen lets us be hurt, if she says she loves us. [Large brown eyes blink, the way someone would if they were pushing back tears, but Zinc can't cry.] She can't stop it. Love hurts. It will always hurt.

[That's cheerful, Zinc. She's quiet for a long moment, watching birds peck peanut butter and seeds off the pine cones she prepared.]

I hope everyone is... doing better, today.

[She rests her cheek against the Cait's head sadly and doesn't say anything else.]

Comments

[tosaveyou]

Hello, Zinc.

I am better now, thank you. [Indeed, Kariya's condition looks improved, her face and the left side of her body less wasted, more color in her skin. She smiles briefly before frowning.]

But what happened was--it was terrible. Things like that shouldn't happen to people. I can't understand the Queen at all, or this place.

You're right, about love. [Kariya looks determined.] But I don't think she loves us.

[jemerite]

I heard singing, but I didn't go. Did you hear it too?

[She had seen girls on the vine, talking, complaining. She hadn't been interested. It comes in cycles: the determination to help and then the fall back into loneliness and tired days.]

She thinks she does.

[It didn't matter if it was true. Zinc knows that, intimately.]

[tosaveyou]

I heard the singing, and I went. Then I had dreams. And... worse than that.

She might think so, but she's wrong. That isn't love. People suffered. People died.

[jemerite]

Love is suffering. For someone else.

[It isn't always a bad thing, Zinc thinks she can understand that. That sometimes it makes all parties stronger. If it's balanced, if it's true. When it isn't? There's Zinc, drained and lonely.]

It will hurt, letting... letting things under your skin.

[Don't you know that, Kariya?]

How much worse, did it get?

[tosaveyou]

Love can hurt, but it's not like that. These things are different. The Queen hurts us physically. It's cruel.

[For Kariya, love has always been painful, but she doesn't blame the one she loves.]

I know what it's like, to do something that hurts for love. It's different.

[She's silent, then, before answering Zinc's question.]

I died.

[jemerite]

She does not mean to, but sometimes she does. And it is easy for her. That's what love sounds like, to me.

[But she'll let it go, her voice is soft and she does shrug loosely.]

Did you suffer?

[Not morbid at all, Zinc.]

[tosaveyou]

I don't think that's love. It's something else, something that pretends to be love. It's not the real thing.

[Kariya pauses. The question's difficult to answer, not because she doesn't know the answer, but because it's hard to say. Yet she tends to earnestly answer questions she's asked.]

Someone I care about killed me. I died--slowly. It didn't hurt more than it already did. [It would be hard to hurt worse than the worms, and Kariya's endurance is great.] Then it stopped hurting. Now I feel better again. Dying set back my illness.

But I'd rather not have died like that.

[jemerite]

How would you rather?

[This is an important question to answer.]

[mnementomori]

People were having...bad dreams.

[at least, the people she knows. And herself.]

Love...hurts? But why? I think, I think the Queen is confused, but I don't think she means to hurt us...

[jemerite]

Bad dreams? I always have bad dreams.

[That the dead dream at all...]

Love is... shards of someone else, buried in you. They rip you open, without thinking. No stopping it.

[notvitiligo]

I'm beginning to get the impression that she's not all that powerful.

You want some company? Well, some more company.

[jemerite]

Powerful enough.

[A pragmatist, that Zinc.]

I am here. If you visit.

[notvitiligo]

I'll be right over, then.

[And away she goes!]

[jemerite]

[ Hello, Jessica, Zinc is sitting in her familiar little courtyard. While waiting for you, the little robot beetle has taken to fluttering slow circles. She's watching with quiet enjoyment.]

You haven't been in trouble lately, have you?

[It's a greeting, even if she's not very good at phrasing it like one.]

[notvitiligo]

[Bulbasaur immediately scampers over to watch the beetle antics. AMAZING STUNT SHOW.]

Not in particular. I had some crappy dreams, but I'm getting the impression everyone here did.

[jemerite]

My dreams were... [Terrible, but] not unusual.

[notvitiligo]

That's... good?

[jemerite]

[Tsk.]

Why were they crappy?

[notvitiligo]

[She looks over at Bulbasaur, quiet for a moment.]

I was... ruining things. Messing stuff up.

[jemerite]

Things and stuff.

[That's not evasive at all, Jessica.]

[notvitiligo]

Everything.

Here.



....the Gardens.

[jemerite]

Why was it wrecked?

[notvitiligo]

Y'know... [She gains an intense interest in the floor.]

If you wanna know how a thing works, you gotta take it apart.






And...

[She swallows.]

I wanted to go home again.

[jemerite]

[Oh dear. She tilts her head.]

You feel sad, for breaking it?

[This would have once been a novel concept to her.]

[notvitiligo]

[She glances up, out the corner of her eye.]

Well... yeah. There's people around that... they don't have anywhere else to go.

And they're happy.

And... I mean, there's Bulbasaur, and the robots, and everything.

[jemerite]

It's sad. Having attachments here, and still missing home.

[Zinc knows.]

It... leaves a hole. No matter what.

[She shrugs. She's full of holes, and it aches.]

[notvitiligo]

Yeah... a hole.

Like, no matter where you are, you'll be missing something.

Even if they make you forget.

[jemerite]

It doesn't hurt. If you don't remember.

[notvitiligo]

[She considers this.]

How do you know?

[jemerite]

Why would it?

[notvitiligo]

Underlying neural associations. You don't remember something, but there's already paths and stuff in other places.

You'd have to wipe a whole lot, probably.

[jemerite]

That's... [Work zombie-brain work.] not fair.