０１４ ☠ video/action

[jemerite]

[Hello, mirror. It seems that... Zinc may just be waking up after a few rather unpleasant days, a wave of gleaming green snakes slithering away from her, disappearing into the grass with a faint rustling. She opens her dark eyes slowly, staring off at nothing blankly for a long time.

Eventually, she makes an attempt to lift her head, but she lays back down tiredly, blinking without speaking.

It is a while still before she curls an arm under her head, getting more comfortable, although she's frowning and her eyes don't lift to the mirror. The reason for that will be quite apparent in a moment because she murmurs,]

I can't see anything.



[[ooc; I am still tagging that log. Very slowly, I'm so sorry. Sob. I just didn't want to have to backdate this any further. If anybody wants to take credit for her second death, they can have it. Otherwise it's a suicide, and... I'll just be ambiguous about it until that gets settled.]]

Comments

[fionna_time]

[Ok, so maybe that warmed her up to Zinc a little, even after all the crap they went through].

How can that happen? Are you sure?

[jemerite]

I don't know.

[She's very quiet, maybe even distracted. There's a lot to think about.]

That's how it feels.

[fionna_time]

Do you remember anything, like how you were the past few days?

[jemerite]

[She frowns sadly, eyes closing again. There was no reason to have them open.]

Yes.

[fionna_time]

Why did that happened?

[jemerite]

I was beautiful, once.

[fionna_time]

Beautiful? Yeah, that was one thing. But you were also...real violent, and kinda cruel.

[jemerite]

You don't... [Understand.] I do not care, about pretty faces.

[fionna_time]

What's that got to do with anything?

[jemerite]

I am... hurt. [Grieving. Someone needs to posit that word to her.] By what I... have lost.

[Her expression goes more sullen, a shadow settling over her.]

It hurt. To get close again, and... still be broken.

[fionna_time]

[Fionna feels sympathetic now].

Broken...how did that happen?

[jemerite]

[Sigh.]

I belonged... to no one. I was my own. I remembered, all things. Nothing challenged me. Strong and clever and cruel. Nothing touched me.

[She doesn't mind having been cruel. She hates these emotions of hers, they are pointless and confusing, wasteful. They make everything muddy and she loses parts of herself in their toxic sludgy mix.]

Now I am broken. I cry and I long for him. He owns everything. Controls everything. I should have killed him, for this. No one should... should bend me, I was perfect.

[Her expression twists angrily.]

I am not myself. I am a piece, in a cage. And I cannot... have it back.

[She curls in on herself as she finishes, lost in her black hair, fingers pulling angrily at her skin, her cage.]

[fionna_time]

[That was a lot to take in. Unfortunately, it also meant something else Fionna was desperately trying to wrap her head around.]

So if the you we know ISN'T you, they you I saw...that's what you;d really be? So you would have been happy, doing what you did.

[jemerite]

Dead.

[It's a fraught little screech that cracks coming out of her throat, and she just gives another miserable little moan.]

There is no me.

[fionna_time]

If we're not seeing you...


...what are we seeing?

[jemerite]

[She's started to cry, but there aren't any tears. She can't produce any in this body.]

Toy doll.

[fionna_time]

...

What could we do, to help?

[jemerite]

I don't know.

[She doesn't. She doesn't know how to make a new identity for herself, certainly not when she knows that at any moment she could be returned home, returned to being alone with only Barbet watching over her.]

[fionna_time]

So what happens now?

I mean...I should be mad at you. You fought me, you smacked me and junk, and I don't think you minded doing any of that. But the way you are now, you're still in pain, just like this.

And its my thing to try and do something about it.

[jemerite]

[Her shoulders are still shaking with empty little sobs. Truthfully, she doesn't care what Fionna decides. With or without any of these girls in the Garden, she's still hurting.]

You decide. Which is more important.

[fionna_time]

I kinda think I already know.

[jemerite]

Then no need to ask me.

[fionna_time]

Yeah.

...

It was messed up though, making you be alive and then taking it away again.

[jemerite]

It wasn't... really alive. Not really.

[fionna_time]

No?

Then what was it?