queenofheartsrp | first ↔ video

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[The first thing that the Vine starts recording is Isabela pulling on the last of her clothes -- a thigh-high leather boot, which she finishes pulling into place before talking to the Vine.]

Well, I can't say I haven't been warned about the dangers of drinking before. Though cats with scrolls and sentient plant life were never included in any of those speeches, sadly... that was probably a bit too much foresight to ask for, hm?

If nothing else, I suppose this is better than waking up in a gutter somewhere. Cleaner, at the very least. [A laugh.]

So, tell me. Trees and animals can't be all there is around here. There must be a tavern, or a brothel, or a seedy undercity of some kind. If someone could direct me, I'd... well, I don't suppose you can owe a hallucination a favour, can you? Whatever works.

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I've never been called a hallucination before, though I am too gorgeous to believe--but if you ask a cat, it'll take you to the bar.

I know, sounds impossible, but they're helpful cats.

[she was about to say something, but she looks pretty mortified at the mention of a brothel.]

Wh...why would you be looking for a place like that?

[That gets another laugh out of her.] You're not bad for an alcohol-induced dream person, I'll give you that.

And the cats, of course. Oh, I have a friend that would love this.

Familiarity. I've spent my life surrounded by drunkards and whores. It comes with the job.

Nice ears, by the way. [More laughter. She really must have been hitting the hard stuff.]

Could be you're my hallucination, because you're pretty hot, too.

Sorry to tell you, though, except for the bar, there's nothing good here like a whorehouse or a city. The whole thing's a fucking garden.

All completely real, I promise you.

[A sigh, and she runs a hand over her face.] Oh, this is just my luck. Please tell me there's an ocean to play in, at least.

[Well that leg has certainly caught Rico's attention.]

Sorry to say, we ain't hallucinations. And there's no brothel. There's a bar, though, and you're as likely to get laid there as anywhere. Long as you like women and women only.

Oh.

[well, she's...not going to judge. Somehow.]

Thank you...? [it was hard to forget about her new acquisitions, but thankfully she's not as self-conscious about them as she could be. She takes the compliment as genuine.]

I must apologize, though...I've tried to negotiate with the Queen about this, but I haven't gotten any response.

Same here. One hundred percent genuine. [She grins and poses.]

Nope. No ocean either. I only wish this were a hallucination and I was gonna wake up back home any minute, but it's some boring sex garden with a lot of chicks in it.

There's no need to apologise to me. Negotiations usually don't work unless you have something worth negotiating with.

No men allowed, then? That seems a shame.

That's what I don't understand. Everything should be over, but it isn't, so there must be something more to this. I just hope no one's been harmed.

So not only am I landlocked, but I'm landlocked somewhere dull? Andraste's flaming arse, this really couldn't be much worse.

...Well, except for that "sex garden" bit, I suppose. I wouldn't mind hearing more about that.

Harmed?

You might need to take a step back and tell me what exactly it is you're worried about. As far as I can tell, there isn't much danger of harm right now.

You'd think a sex garden would at least be okay, right? This is the most boring one ever. Some Queen brought a bunch of chicks here to get close to each other, but there's not nearly enough sex happening, in my opinion. Maybe it'll get better, if we work real hard. [She laughs.]

A lot of the people here are crazy or monsters or crazy monsters, so if you're into that... It's fun giving them a hard time.

And there's booze.

That's how the Queen wants it, I guess. [She just shrugs.] I'm not complaining.

[no one's recognized her borrowed body, so she's beginning to suspect something even bigger is up, but she forges ahead bravely anyway.]

The Queen--she's been kidnapping girls from all over Callegea. I'm from the village of Sulz, in the north. So far no one's been hurt, but that strange ceremony...

[she pauses for a moment, her troubled expression deepening.]

I can't...quite remember everything. Did they take you to the castle as well, miss?

Isabela! [Hawke is grinning easily, but she's about oh, a thousand times more relieved than she might have let on] Fancy seeing you here!

Hawke! [Isabela isn't bothering to hide her relief--Hawke is usually the one point of sanity in the middle of intense and overwhelming insanity, so her being here is probably a good thing. Probably.]

Are we in the Fade again? Because if these demons are trying to tempt me, they're doing a piss-poor job of it so far.

[Welp. After trying to process all that, Isabela just raises an eyebrow and then shakes her head.]

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Wait. You mean this entire area is women only? I thought you were talking about the bar.

Most of that is easily fixed, you realise. In fact, the existence of alcohol should have fixed the "no sex" problem fairly quickly. What have you all been doing? [A disappointed sigh.]

And these monsters... what sort? Giant spiders, abominations, undead?

Yup. Welcome to Lesbian Gardens. No boys as far as the eye can see.

[...Hawke worries when she is the one point of sanity]

See, that was my first impression, but it doesn't really have that washed out, headache-inducing, oh-Maker-there-are-demons-everywhere-who-want-to-eat-my-soul sort of feel. That I know of, at least, I've been here a few weeks now. Maybe a demon ate my soul when I wasn't looking.

Anyway, we've been dragged here at the whim of a Queen who doesn't like being lonely, apparently. 'We' being a large collection of ladies, with no men in sight. [a faint pause] I don't suppose anyone's missed me while I've been gone?

Hey, don't look at me, I've been getting some. Not that I've been here long. That was my thought, too. What's wrong with these people?

The monsters I've seen look like humans, more or less, so you can't always tell what they are right away. I don't exactly know what they are--but from that list, I'm gonna go with abominations or undead. A couple of them are okay. There are robots, too, but they don't do anything but fuck up trees.

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